daddy wilkinson ([info]varlet) wrote,
@ 2009-01-20 17:00:00
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Current mood: blah
Entry tags:!meme, !type: anon

124;

"Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back here. Tell me anything. Tell me what you really think of me or yourself. Anything."

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(Anonymous)
2009-01-21 03:30 am UTC (link)
i keep growing-- my face is always upturned to the sun. i can live off of air and the energy of the world around me. i can thrive off of nothing but the soil beneath my feet. i'm never lost, just endlessly searching and have this undefeatable hope here in me. i call this whole universe home.

i have been wildly in love, i've had my heart splintered into a million pieces that still haven't found their way back to a whole cohesiveness. i've been loved endlessly and honestly and accepted it and rejected it both, but this is the soul i'm going to marry one day and he's what keeps the corners of my mouth up. but even so, sometimes i still go looking...

i'm too tiny to contain my own energy, so i shine shine shine. but even so, i have to always be relentless and never give up trying so hard each and every day to be the person i want to be, because if not i'll be overshadowed and i absolutely cnanot live if it's not in the light.

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(Anonymous)
2009-01-21 03:49 am UTC (link)
That's beautiful.

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(Anonymous)
2009-01-21 07:40 am UTC (link)
first of all: don't form a picture or a name in your brain about who this might be. this goes for everyone.

i suggest you sit in a room by yourself with your own thoughts and without any communication with the world. resist that urge to see who posted on your facebook wall or commented on your livejournal entry. resist going out with your friends. think about who you are. feel that shell that surrounds your soul that makes you a separate human being from everyone else. it may not be natural to feel so, but try to be completely independent from anyone's opinions of you, of their validations/recognitions/predispositions of you in any shape or form. think about whether you are friends with someone because you enjoy their company, and their opinions, and the mutual exchange that you partake in, or whether the friendship is merely for some kind of social validation/gain. think about what you learn about yourself.

i am becoming too emotionally detached, and too reliant on social validation. i feel like i'm falling out of love. i feel the void of uncertainty growing in my heart.

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[info]rebelliousmunch
2009-01-23 10:59 pm UTC (link)
blood tastes good.

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[info]rebelliousmunch
2009-01-23 10:59 pm UTC (link)
crap, i was supposed to post anonymously @_@

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[info]varlet
2009-01-24 06:13 am UTC (link)
YES YOU WERE. TRY AGAIN, AND THIS TIME DON'T FAIL 8D

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(Anonymous)
2009-02-12 05:29 am UTC (link)
A sick part of me enjoys sadness. It's almost a rush for me. An adventure. I start out tearing myself apart. The unbearable pain makes me shiver and shake. Slowly, but eventually, a calm rushes over me and suddenly not feeling anything is the best feeling in the world. I go from a high to a middle ground. Crying feels good sometimes, really. But, I really don't think my tears will ever relieve all the sadness that I pretend doesn't exist.

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(Anonymous)
2010-01-12 06:56 am UTC (link)
High school was made so the government could blur our visions and make our minds bleak. So when our minds began to mold there would always be a sign at the back of our heads screaming, YOU’RE LOST BUT YOU DON’T WANT TO ADMIT IT. So that when we broke down, we would believe we had no where to turn, no one to understand us. So that when we graduated, our once beautiful wings would be clipped and we would be caged in.

Is this protection? Or is this obliteration?

I don’t know.

I’m wandering in halls, wondering what I’m doing. I’m wandering in conversations, trying to find out why I don’t know more than half the people in my grade. I’m wandering in my mind, dying to know how I could sink this far, why I sank this far, and asking if I can get back to where I stood.

There use to be days when most of the school knew my name, and I could be as nasty as possible. There use to be days where I didn’t need to double guess my actions, to see if I could get a keyword that could unlock the world of endless friends and fun. There used to be days that I could look like crap and my friends would laugh and say I looked amazing. Those days are gone—not stolen, but placed gracefully in someone else’s hands.

Nothing is going well when things start out smoothly. Hell, I’d rather things start off horrible, and continue on the best. But maybe that’s because then I’d be able to compare the horrible to the best, which might be just good. I’d strolled my way in to this school, fitting part of the group, and having fun. Now I’m three months in, and I’m feeling what my other friends had felt—loneliness, despair, confusion, and worst of it all—the question that constantly pops up—“where the hell are you and what the fuck are you doing?”

I feel like a dog. Do you know how a dog feels like? It lies by the door, it follows your commands, it waits for you to come home, and it doesn’t know what’s going on. When someone says “sit” I sit. When someone says “go” I go. When someone says “laugh” I laugh. I’m not a mind of my own anymore. I feel as if I’m in the process of rewinding evolution.Why the hell am I bowing down to you?

Put some time into it. Put some time into what? Into turning to a puppet? Into becoming an outcast, a misfit? Into disintegrating to pieces? Because I sure as hell would, if that could bring back the friends, the inside jokes, and the accepting glances.

I watch time speed pass me, I watch my hours of sleep deprive. It’s another form of torture—my breath falls short and my heart speeds faster. This is not falling in love, mind you, it’s falling a part. I don’t know what I’ve become.

My map is gone; my road has ended. My reign is over.

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(Anonymous)
2010-01-12 06:57 am UTC (link)
I could tell him who I am right this exact moment on his blog but if I do that there's no more rewinds or second chances for I know he'll read back and find out who I am and honestly I am not confident that I am the girl he thinks I am but I would rather wear a mask than for him to not accept me for who I really am because I seriously don't want to take the risk of losing him since he's my only hope for salvation and I swear I would dodge a virus for him in terms of internet but there's not much to say as I have not contacted him for a while still I don't want him to hate me or think I'm a bitch or anything yet I don't want him to find out my reason for being so secretive because I know that when the time comes and he finds out

we're over.

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